ANOTHER DAY
woke up at 5:30 yesterday.
did my yoga.
felt so good about myself.
today?
not so much.
took lance to school.
came home and crawled back in bed.
just drank bone broth for the first time.
what in the world is that stuff?
it better work.
that's all i'm sayin.
allergies or cold?
always the big question.
whatever it is.
wipes me out.
should i feel guilty about sleeping in?
this has been my whole life as a stay at home mom.
if i don't get up and have a "quiet time".
make my bed.
take a shower.
before the kiddos get up.
well then, i'm already starting out the day with an "F".
dangit.
i'm so thankful i didn't get a grade card on that.
or any of my other mothering skills.
or housekeeping skills.
wait.
maybe if i would have been graded i would have done better?
maybe i would have stepped it up a notch.
not so many Barney shows and Teletubbies.
not as much pepsi in a bottle.
shhhh.
i wasn't they only mom who did that back then.
lots of rocking those babies.
if i could have gotten graded for my rocking abilities?
top of the class, i tell ya.
they don't call me the baby whisperer for nothing.
here is what i do know.
i loved my kids.
and whether or not my house was a disaster.
no matter what time they went to bed.
or what time we woke up.
or what the heck i put in their bottles.
or how very long the days and nights seemed.
we were a family.
those babies saw me at my worst.
they saw me crying on the bathroom floor.
more than once.
on my knees crying out to God in my bedroom.
asking for some grace to make it through another day.
they saw it all.
my little witnesses.
to all my weaknesses.
and still today?
alayna came into my bedroom to see me still in bed at 11 am.
she's 20 now.
has a life of her own.
struggles of her own.
real life struggles.
and i want to just take them all away.
rock her.
sing "i've been working on the railroad" to her.
i want to have all the answers.
and i just don't.
the thing is.
none of us do.
i do, however, know the one who does hold the answers.
the one who loves my kiddos even more than i do.
so as much as i would love to have been standing in the kitchen.
when she came home from class.
and cooking a five course meal for supper.
having had done my yoga, showered and dressed.
at age 46.
i'm lying in bed.
coughing up a lung.
kleenex by my side.
and saying to her.
"i don't know alayna."
"i don't have all the answers."
"i love you."
"life is overwhelming."
"sometimes we are just plain tired."
"sometimes we are just plain sick."
and i get it.
alayna wants to please God.
she wants to get it all done.
she wants to know she is doing it "right".
just like we all do.
so i point her to Jesus.
me...
snuggled up in my bed.
at 11:00 am.
pointing my daughter away from me.
and to the One who satisfies.
the One who knows her every need.
the One who LOVES her so much.
that is all this momma can do.
all i've ever been able to do.
the weak leading the strong.
i'm so glad He uses the weak to lead the strong.
while i typed this?
i drank the darn bone broth.
somebody tell me they are proud of me.
my cough feels better already.
maybe.
just maybe.
bone broth works better than pepsi?
did my yoga.
felt so good about myself.
today?
not so much.
took lance to school.
came home and crawled back in bed.
just drank bone broth for the first time.
what in the world is that stuff?
it better work.
that's all i'm sayin.
allergies or cold?
always the big question.
whatever it is.
wipes me out.
should i feel guilty about sleeping in?
this has been my whole life as a stay at home mom.
if i don't get up and have a "quiet time".
make my bed.
take a shower.
before the kiddos get up.
well then, i'm already starting out the day with an "F".
dangit.
i'm so thankful i didn't get a grade card on that.
or any of my other mothering skills.
or housekeeping skills.
wait.
maybe if i would have been graded i would have done better?
maybe i would have stepped it up a notch.
not so many Barney shows and Teletubbies.
not as much pepsi in a bottle.
shhhh.
i wasn't they only mom who did that back then.
lots of rocking those babies.
if i could have gotten graded for my rocking abilities?
top of the class, i tell ya.
they don't call me the baby whisperer for nothing.
here is what i do know.
i loved my kids.
and whether or not my house was a disaster.
no matter what time they went to bed.
or what time we woke up.
or what the heck i put in their bottles.
or how very long the days and nights seemed.
we were a family.
those babies saw me at my worst.
they saw me crying on the bathroom floor.
more than once.
on my knees crying out to God in my bedroom.
asking for some grace to make it through another day.
they saw it all.
my little witnesses.
to all my weaknesses.
and still today?
alayna came into my bedroom to see me still in bed at 11 am.
she's 20 now.
has a life of her own.
struggles of her own.
real life struggles.
and i want to just take them all away.
rock her.
sing "i've been working on the railroad" to her.
i want to have all the answers.
and i just don't.
the thing is.
none of us do.
i do, however, know the one who does hold the answers.
the one who loves my kiddos even more than i do.
so as much as i would love to have been standing in the kitchen.
when she came home from class.
and cooking a five course meal for supper.
having had done my yoga, showered and dressed.
at age 46.
i'm lying in bed.
coughing up a lung.
kleenex by my side.
and saying to her.
"i don't know alayna."
"i don't have all the answers."
"i love you."
"life is overwhelming."
"sometimes we are just plain tired."
"sometimes we are just plain sick."
and i get it.
alayna wants to please God.
she wants to get it all done.
she wants to know she is doing it "right".
just like we all do.
so i point her to Jesus.
me...
snuggled up in my bed.
at 11:00 am.
pointing my daughter away from me.
and to the One who satisfies.
the One who knows her every need.
the One who LOVES her so much.
that is all this momma can do.
all i've ever been able to do.
the weak leading the strong.
i'm so glad He uses the weak to lead the strong.
while i typed this?
i drank the darn bone broth.
somebody tell me they are proud of me.
my cough feels better already.
maybe.
just maybe.
bone broth works better than pepsi?
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