THE SHOCK FAMILY

The other night, in order to fight my anxious thoughts, I went through my iPod and made a new playlist. I found songs that have been my favorites throughout these past several years. I named the playlist "Karen's sleep", intending for it to help me fall asleep at night. Turns out, I don't just listen to it in the midnight hour when sleep evades, I like it in the daytime too. All of these songs point me to Jesus and bring peace to my soul. As the songs play, memories flood my mind.  Each song reminds me of the past... times when God seemed near, and times when it was just a downright hard night of the soul. It's really like a trip down memory lane -- The good times and the bad. One thing rings true as I listen to these songs... My God has shown Himself faithful through all of it! I maybe couldn't see His faithfulness in the moment... but looking back, I can see that He has given me grace for every trial... and has loved me... and has held me up.

We have an idea. Would love it if you would join us. Together... we could make a difference. I just finished listening to a podcast about the possibility of this generation eradicating slavery. Did you know that there are more slaves in the world today than ever before? Statistics tell us 27 MILLION. We have a chance to be part of the solution. Last January our She Has A Name team attended Passion 2012 . At this conference 40,000 college students came together in the name of Jesus, and were not only educated about the world of human trafficking, but were also given the chance to pool their resources.  And they did.   These college students gave $3,000,000 (Yes... that's 3 MILLION DOLLARS) to organizations all over the world that are in the trenches... working tirelessly to free slaves. It was AMAZING... and simply INSPIRING. Next month we are going to be a part of Passion 2013 . We will be heading to the Georgia Dome to meet with 60,000

Happy Thanksgiving! So much to give thanks for. Even through the tears. Missing Dad this morning. First real holiday without him. Wish I could share a raisin pie with him. And I don't even like raisin pie :). Even more... scared of what these next few weeks will look like. Christmas was Dad's favorite. He loved putting up the lights and tree. He loved our snoring santa. My dad was the best Santa Claus ever! But... through the tears today... I will remember all the beautiful times we had with him and enjoy this day with the rest of our family. He would want it that way. If he were here, seeing me cry... he would tickle me until it hurt! Thankful today for:  Such a beautiful day here in Ohio. A husband who just puts his arm around me in these times. Our precious momma who just counts her blessings daily. Cheesy potatoes. Long walks on these beautiful days. The Macy's parade... watching it with our kids... telling them every year about how I marched

Today I have been struggling. Hypochondria. Read one thing on Fox News this morning and my day has been completely turned upside down. I hate hypochondria. I am an anxiety struggler. You know what stinks about it? I hate that people see me like this. Yep...  it's true. I really do hate that you know this about me. So why am I writing about it? Because, I realize I am not alone on this... No sense pretending I am someone that I am not. If we can walk through these times together it will be better for all of us... Right??? I've decided that I will not go into detail about what has been scaring me today... Wouldn't want any other hypos to read it and freak out themselves :). Doesn't matter anyway, when you have anxiety about your health, if it's not one thing, it's another. What I am going to do in this post is just preach a little to myself... Do you mind? You can stop reading now if this kind of thing doesn't pertain to you :). On th

It's been 1 month today. Am I supposed to be over it? Feels like I am. Definitely not over it though. I think I thought I would be by now. He was 85 and had dementia for crying out loud. I don't think it's about missing him all the time. More about the waves of sadness that come out of nowhere. Last night Kevin was watching a movie before falling asleep. The Natural ... a 1984 classic. Dad and I used to watch it together all the time. I think I liked it mostly because of Robert Redford :). I was so excited when he told me it was only half way over. Not too long into watching it... I just started weeping. Pretty sure Kev didn't know what to do with me. He immediately turned it off. "No! Don't turn it off. I love this movie!" I said through my tears. He then immediately turned it back on. And I wept some more. Pretty much cried myself to sleep in his arms. Where in the world did that come from?  I really have been doing great. Teary

Here is the video I spoke about at Dad's memorial service. It's of our granddaughter... She and her momma were staying with us while Dad was home on Hospice. Late one night we were looking at old pictures to use for Dad's slideshow. Sweet little Kessa found a picture of her mom and dad when they first started dating. She held that picture in her hand and as she looked at it, huge crocodile tears started running down her face. We were all just sitting there stunned as she let us know how much she missed her daddy.  It had been a few days since he had been there... and she knew it! Alyssa decided to put her husband on the phone.  As 3 yr. old Kessa spoke (cried) with her daddy, our Lance decided to get out our ipod and videotape it. Here it is... Wait!  First... make sure you pause the music at the bottom of this page. After that night... and after we had watched the video several times,  I began to think about how much I was gonna miss my daddy when he wa

We are back from our cruise.  It was an amazing trip.  God's timing is so very perfect.  I just sat down to spend some time looking at all the msgs I received on Facebook... about Dad, about our trip, and for my birthday... so many people saying so many encouraging things.  Again, God's timing is so very perfect! The funeral home and the memorial service were such a blessing to our family.  Seeing old and new friends/family show up to give us comfort and lots a hugs meant so much to all of us. I came down with a nasty cold on Wednesday (the day of the memorial service).  I literally slept through the whole next day, knowing that I should be packing because we were leaving for Port Canaveral on Saturday. Kevin kept reassuring me that we would get everything done in time to leave... and as always, my man was right. When we went to board the plane the kids were where they were supposed to be, Mom was where she was supposed to be, and I knew for a fact I was right where I w

Kathy and family flew in last night.  We had a sweet time together as a family.  Lots of singing, laughter and tears.  I'm sure Dad knows that we are all here for him. He just keeps on keeping on. The nurse came yesterday.  He was absolutely shocked that Dad's heart is still pumping.  His kidneys shut down on Thursday. He has what the nurse called uremic frost.  When I first looked at him yesterday morning, I thought he looked like something out of Chronicles of Narnia.  So when the nurse called it a "frost", it made total sense. The nurse said he has only seen three cases of uremic frost in his twenty years of working in hospice.  He explained that because Dad's kidneys have shut down, the toxins are coming out through his pores. Most people's hearts don't last that long once the kidneys stop working... of course Dad's just keeps on going.   That being said, he isn't expected to live past tomorrow. We have two more nephews that are com

Please pray for/with us! Dad is still here. He hasn't eaten or drank anything since Sunday. The Hospice nurse told us today he is pretty much in a coma. I am so tired. Mom is so very tired. Dad just keeps getting thinner and thinner. Alayna woke me up in the middle of the night last night... Dad's breathing was different. After I woke up, I couldn't get back to sleep. Anxiety just kicked in and wouldn't let up. I understand that God has had the time for Dad's departure set up since before the world began. We are just begging Him for that time to be real soon. Family is on standby. A phone call away. Seems like all of our lives are on standby right now. Your prayers on our family's behalf are worth more than gold to us. I realized something yesterday... while driving in the car. My life will never be the same. There is a certain sadness that has entered... I don't think that sadness will go away. I can't tell you that I hate the feel

First an update on Dad. The nurse came this morning and said he is in the transitional stage... not the final stage of the dying process.  But then she said he could be in the final stage by the end of the day.  I think the theme of this whole process has been ~ We just can't know for sure. This weekend we really thought he was moving on to Glory two different times.  We sat by his side and sang and laughed and prayed. In the quiet of the afternoon yesterday, I sat at his side and whispered (ok... maybe not whispered... the man's hearing is terrible) a few verses into his good ear. This is one of them ~ Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Math. 11:28-29 I just explained to him that there is rest for his soul in Jesus.  Our whole family has been telling him that it is o.k. for him to move on... we will take good c

I'm in Dad and Mom's bedroom right now... thought I would take a nap on Mom's bed while I wait for the nurse to come at 2:30.  I can't believe how worn out I feel. It's almost like having a newborn again... waking up every four hours to give Dad his medicine. It's the least I can do right? All the times this man has lost sleep on account of me! Of course, I am NOT sleeping... just lying here listening to Dad snore and the sound of the oxygen machine.  At this point I think they are both music to my ears. But... can we talk about Orv's snoring for just a minute? I know that if you have ever been in a house (maybe even a neighborhood) near my dad while he sleeps, you know that there is nothing... and I do mean NOTHING quite like it! We have so many stories about Dad's snoring.  The grandkids thinking there is a big old lion in the bedroom.  Leslie (my sister-in-law) sleeping in the car instead because she couldn't take it in the same hotel ro

I realize I am doing a whole lot of blogging.  I'm just finding that this is a way to keep my sanity through this all. It is also a great way to keep a record of all that is happening...  how God is working in and through so many of you as you love on and support our family! Today was much easier than yesterday.  Met with the hospice nurse and social worker this morning. They were so kind and caring to both me and Mom. Dad pretty much just slept through the whole thing :). That's been most of today for him... sleeping. He has woken up a couple of times.  One time was to fight with Andrew... fist fight!  It was so cute.  Drew would tap him on the arm and he would punch Drew back.  Dad has always been the one to rile the little ones up.  Now I guess it's Drew's turn to pick the fight :). I have to tell you, one of the coolest parts of having Dad here at the house is that he really is never alone. For the last two days Drew has had his computer in here for a couple

Sitting in Dad and Mom's room. Dad is resting peacefully. Mom is asleep... sitting straight up of course. Today has been a rough one for me. Crying like I didn't know I could. I just think it feels a little like it does when you are on your last day of vacation.  You go out to enjoy the last sunset or the beach one more time... but in the enjoyment there is sadness...knowing it will all be over soon. Now... multiply that times a thousand.  I keep thinking how much I am gonna miss him, and then I think to myself   "He's still here silly -- go and sit on the bed and hold his hand again". He's beautiful ya know?! So cute... So funny... So very beautiful! We were talking about golf a few minutes ago.  He brought up that the last time he golfed he fell down... which is so true and was so funny!  I was golfing with Andrew and Dad was riding in the cart with me. He insisted I let him hit the ball. He took one swing... missed... and slowly began to

Sundays growing up used to mean church, Mom's pot roast, and then watching the Detroit Lions.  I have to admit my favorite part of the whole NFL football thing was snuggling up with my daddy and taking a Sunday afternoon nap... using his big belly as my pillow.  Those were the days! Today, Dad did see the end of the Lions football game... they won! Yay Detroit.  Not sure he knew what was going on or that he really cared, but his eye was definitely on the t.v.  Is it appropriate on a day like today to thank God for a Lions victory? He came home yesterday via ambulance.  So weird to have them dropping him off instead of picking him up...surreal actually. Most of the day he seemed pretty out of it.  But, we sure did have a good time singing to him.  All of us girls (Christen, Alyssa, Alayna, Amy, Mom and me) sing "I've Been Working On the Railroad", "Because He Lives", "How Great is Our God", Shoo Fly Pie"... I know, quite the variet

In the past 24 hours... spent lots of time with dad... lots of time on the phone with family both near and far... had a pretty sleepless night just thinking about what a great dad he is. watched dad flirt - and i do mean flirt with the nurses. the nurse he has spent the most time with said he is by far her favorite patient. we've been taking good care of mom... she is a trooper. watched mom feed and love on dad like only she can. we've all cried and laughed so much... a beautiful thing. met with the hospice team this morning. found out dad is coming home tomorrow. hospital bed and oxygen tanks were put in place at our home. trusting God that we can actually handle this. oh yeah... and as dad slept in his hospital room last night, we partied. he woke up once in the middle of it all, smiled and said "is this the party?" we all love him so much! He loves her so much.  Always has. Always loved hanging with my dad.  Still do!

Yesterday was a whirlwind of emotions.  I woke up and it all just hit me like a ton of bricks. Then the tears started... and didn't stop for a very long time. Went for a walk and the whole time my phone kept going off with msg after msg on Facebook... dear friends (old and new) telling us that you are praying/thinking of us.  And the tears kept coming. Then long talk with my niece... and the tears kept coming. I must say... there was a whole lot of laughter mixed in with those tears, as we reminisced about Dad :)! Mom, my brother and I met with the hospice team.  Love them. They are very sweet and we can tell they are going to take good care of us.  Not many details about a time frame for everything.  Looks like Dad will come home (he and mom live with us) tomorrow or Saturday. They just need to get some more fluid off of his lungs first. The Dr. said it is very hard to predict how long a person will last who has congestive heart failure.  That isn't easy for me... I j

So... March was the last time I blogged. So much has happened since then. So many memories. So much fun. So much learned. ~~~~~ First... Haiti was an experience that I am still trying to wrap my head around. All that I had learned and all that I had heard about the country could not have prepared me for what God was going to do in my heart. Our team with the Byxbe Family. We love these people! More on that later. ~~~~~~ God gave us an unbelievable opportunity to help out our friend America with her sweet little twin boys... and He provided answers to all of our prayers in the midst of it.  Little Athen and Ethan are precious and it is clear that God has had his hand on them and their Momma from the start. More on that later as well. Precious little Athen.  A real gift from God. ~~~~~~ Andrew graduated! We celebrated! A big fun Fiesta... So proud of him.  Christen and Alayna made the cake. The Shock Family! The Heilshorn Crew.