THE SHOCK FAMILY

I wrote this blogpost back in December of last year. I posted it... and took it down right after. It was too scary to put myself out there like that. But... God has brought me through so much since I wrote this. I want to continue to write about all that has happened. The journey I've been on in the past year. So... I've put the blogpost back up. ----------------------------------------------- People may say I've been distant. Friends and family might agree. Please don't take it personal. Or be too quick to judge me. The fact is… God is working. Stripping me down --  My soul, My dreams, My ego, My selfishness, (Ha… even talking about it here… seems so selfish.) It's not easy being me. Not easy being a "self proclaimed" narcissist. Not easy being an "others proclaimed" hypochondriac. This season of my life has brought those two traits way out into the spotlight. Many tears have been shed ove

A feeling I didn't think I would have... Not wanting this year to be over. Feeling like tomorrow I should just be done grieving. He was 85 and had dementia for crying out loud. Why can't I stop the tears today? Why am I still in my pajamas and it's noon? Kevin so sweetly asked me to go to lunch with him. Don't so much feel like eating. Just being honest.... I miss him. I'm thinking a time machine would be nice. I want to go back in time and see him sitting in our living room on Schultz St. I long to tell him all I've been thinking this past year. I thought I had said everything I needed to say in those days before he passed. I realize now... that it would take a lifetime to say all I needed to say. So today... I write him a letter. A love letter of sorts. A note to say thanks. To say what I would say to him if I had that time machine... Hey Dad ~ First  of all... I love you -- more today than ever before.  I have so much to sa

Our lives changed forever. Dad was admitted into hospice. I was entering into one of the sweetest months of my life. Who knew I would look back on that time with such fondness? I'm sitting on my Dad's swing watching the sunset and reading my blogposts from then. First time I've reread them. I'm so glad that there is a record of all that went down that last month. I can't believe how much I had forgotten. What I remember most about that time is how supportive so many of you were through the whole process. So many encouraging words and so many prayers on our behalf. This past year hasn't been easy. So many more tears have been shed than I would ever have expected. So much time spent missing my dad. So hard to watch Mom move on without her husband of 62 years. God has been present though... I'm hoping to blog some this month and just put my thoughts out there. Thoughts on my dad, Heaven, this life etc. It seems like the perfect time to

Missing Dad today. The past few days have been hard. No special days or celebrations to be sad about. But you see... there is an emptiness. An empty swing on the back porch. We bought the swing when Dad and Mom moved in. Dad could sit out there on that swing for hours... No matter how hot it was outside. He loved to bird-watch. We would sit out there and sing songs... Silly ones. He loved being outside. I miss him. We moved into this house a month before dad went into hospice. Picked it because of the nice front porch that was almost always shaded. That month he sat out on his chair and watched the cars go by... He would have sat there all day long if we would have let him. For the most part... we didn't let him :). We had a great front porch growing up... Schultz Street was awesome. Dad would sit out there on that front porch all the time. He would watch me practice my baton... And yell at me when I would drop it ;). We would play the &q

Dad was born 86 years ago today. The first day of Spring. Doesn't feel like Dad's birthday. Fitting...it doesn't feel like the first day of Spring either. I guess I hadn't thought much about how this whole "Birthday" thing would play out. Hadn't thought much about how this whole "Spring" thing would play out. I knew Christmas was going to be hard because Dad loved it so much. I just forgot about how much this time of year reminds me of him. Spring was always all about Detroit. We knew it was that time of year when Ernie Harwell was blaring on Dad's radio. I loved it... Summer was coming! And then there was the Pistons. Never forget watching every one of their games with Dad in 1990. He and I would take turns rocking Alyssa while we watched them become World Champs! Spring also meant golf season was upon us. I loved to go golfing with my dad. Between the back and front

Yep... it's been 20 years. Crazy, I know.                          Seems fitting that we would be under a Winter Storm Warning today. Our wedding took place in the midst of what felt like the 'Blizzard of 93'. I remember standing downstairs a half an hour before the wedding was about to start, and asking my sister-in-law if anyone was even up there... it had been snowing since the night before.  She laughed and told me they were having to set up chairs in the very back.  I'm thinking people knew we all had something to celebrate that evening! After all, I was marrying THE KEVIN SHOCK... #9 on the DHS football and baseball teams.  The kid had stolen my heart a few years back, and I honestly couldn't believe that we were actually getting married! Not that it was all roses... you can read about our story here . It's just that God had a plan to lavishly shed His grace on us. Kev and I know to this day how undeserving we were/a