LETTER TO DAD ~ YEAR 4

hey dad.

4 years?

seriously?

just yesterday.

and yet?

forever.

4 years later? 

here's what i know.

i think about you so much.

i wonder if you somehow know?

you are still so much a part of our family.

we carry on your legacy.

well, maybe not the michigan part.

you really liked those wolverines.

didn't you?

ya know what? 

i kinda did too.

I kinda still do.

shhh...

our little secret, dad.

guess what.

we got a puppy.

man, is he ever cute.

of course, we named him after the ohio state quarterback.

jt barrett.

you would love him.

and he would adore you.

oh, and we bought a house.

you should see mom's room.

it looks like a little piece of schultz st.

the piano.

her hummels.

your wedding picture.

and we out in two sturdy doors.

she can watch hallmark and fox news now...

just as loud as she wants.

i'm sitting in our florida room as i type this.

windows open.

it's beautiful.

know what i love most about this house?

i can hear the trains.

sounds just like home.

music to my ears.

and...

we have a big front porch.

just like growing up.

I have so many memories of us on that porch, dad.

you and me.

playing the "car" game.

hours upon hours.

we never got bored.

how did that never get old?

and you, sitting on our porch, watching me twirl my baton.

you loved to watch me practice.

you loved to watch all of us kids practice.

no matter the sport.

right?

whatever the extracurricular activity.

our orvie would be there.

enjoying it all.

possibly even shedding a tear.

wait...

i mean probably.

probably shedding a tear.

every time.

oh dear.

i miss you dad.

you know you were a pain sometimes though, right? 

remember when tami used to come to the front door?

what you would yell?

every stinkin time???

"nobody's home!"

why?

why was that funny?

every stinkin time???

remember how you would wake us up on sunday mornings?

"whoop de doo. whoop de doo.

time to get up and go to sunday school."

oh man.

i hated that.

"no dad...

please...

leave me alone...

please."

and... 

you wouldn't.

leaving us alone was not an option.

you were going to church on sunday morning.

and... we were going with you.

thanks for taking us dad.

thanks for waking us up with silly, ridiculous songs.

thanks for putting us to sleep at night with silly, ridiculous songs.

i'm still singing them.

the tradition continues.

rock and sing.

sing and rock.

snuggle.

rock.

and sing.

i went with alayna to a golf match the other day.

i had to get a hotdog and mountain dew.

for old times sake.

everything there?

was a reminder of you.

me and you.

so many summer days at auglaize.

driving your golf cart.

yep.

my dad owned his own golf cart.

coolest dad ever.

and you never seemed bothered by having me come along.

your friends didn't mind either.

i knew the rules.

right, dad?

be quiet.

don't drive the cart on the greens.

don't twirl the golf hole flag.

that was the hardest rule to follow.

i still wanna twirl that dang flag.

every time i'm at a golf course.

every. 

single.

time.

i was such a girl.

a flighty, boy crazy, girl.

a daddy's girl.

we didn't have much money.

remember when i would ask for $5 for mcdonalds?

your response?

"can't ya just eat a bologna sandwich?"

i would just smile.

and you would give me the cash.

you spoiled us. 

didn't ya dad?

with the little money we had.

you spoiled us.

at least, i felt spoiled.

never had designer jeans.

didn't live in the suburbs.

but...

that front porch?

well, know now.

what you did give us?

worth so much more than money.

was time.

lots of time.

not a whole lot of lectures.

you weren't a man of many words.

you were a dad with lots of smiles.

and hugs.

and happy tears.

how about the time you went to the ER with me?

you made me laugh as they stuck me with needles.

and you told me to think about santa claus 

even though i was 28 years old?

it worked dad.

and i still think of santa claus today when they stick me.

and it still works.

i'm gonna say it again this year, dad.

you taught us well.

the whole "love of God" thing.

you never took all of our pain away.

we never asked you to.

you did, however walk through the pain with us.

always there.

always present.

even though you aren't here with us anymore.

at least not physically.

and we won't hear you sing "i've been working on the railroad".

or "comes the mousey, comes the mousey".

ugh.

those days are over.

you have been transported to another place.

what you have left with us though?

your love.

love never ends.

your love for us carries on, dad.

your love for life carries on.

and your love for Jesus?

carries on.

in us.

as mom always says...
"precious memories,
how they linger".

your love dad?
it pointed us to a God who loves us.
it still does.
a father's love.
i know full well not everyone has that.
and money sure can't buy it.
i also know you weren't perfect.
although, mom thinks you were.

but on days like today?
we will eat hohos.
we will drink milkshakes.
we will watch videos of you.
we will laugh.
we will cry.

we will celebrate.
your love.
your life.
your legacy.