Celebrating Today
17 years ago today, I sat in a cold dark hospital room recovering from an emergency c-section just a few hours prior... and wondering if our precious little Andrew was going to live or die. He had been sent off to Toledo Hospital (an hour away) after delivery. Dr. Matthew came in and gave us the news that our newborn son either had a broken blood vessel or an aneurysm on his brain.
My memories of that hospital stay are awful at best. Let me first say, that I was not walking close to God at that time. I that point, I was simply praying to Him that He would save my son... I knew nothing of the Peace that He had to offer.
I felt so alone. Kev was in Toledo with Drew (where I wanted him to be), and I was in pain! The hospital was short staffed, so I remember having my breakfast, lunch and dinner trays all piled up in the corner of the room. I just stared at Katie Couric on The Today Show. Relief was nowhere to be found.
By the way... c-sections are really painful!
It ended up after many tests, the doctors concluded that Drew was fine. They believe the apnea he experienced was from the anesthetic they used to knock me out.
Fast forward to one year later~
That is when the anxiety/depression/hypochondria set in. I can look back now and see a big correlation between the two. I believe that it took another Christmas to come around for me to realize it could all happen again.
Nevertheless... the anxiety had come!
Now Fast forward 16 years~
Thursday night I was sitting in our "Breaking Free" bible study, talking about my struggles.
My sweet mother-in-law --- note to self (and to you) -- it ain't easy being in a bible study like "Breaking Free" with your mother-in-law... God really has a sense of humor!
OK... my sweet mother-in-law looked at me and asked "Everyday Karen? You struggle everyday? Do you think you are just a selfish person?"
YES! The answer is YES!!! I know I am a very selfish person... and YES! I struggle everyday!
But here is the deal -- I am thankful for that ugly hospital stay 17 years ago. I am thankful for the anxiety that set in 16 years ago. Satan may mean it for evil, and I may absolutely hate it, but God has used my weakness to draw me to Himself.
I do struggle everyday, but that struggle brings me to my knees (literally), and sends me to my bible.
As I sat in Dr. McClure's office a few weeks ago (he is an amazing man of God), telling him of my newest fears, he looked right at me and said "You know, you are one of the most Godly women I have ever met." I laughed "You have got to be kidding me! I am telling you all my fears, and this is the response I get?"
But again... here is the deal ---
Because of my weakness, I do talk a whole lot about my Savior. I do know a whole lot of verses in the bible. I do spend a whole of time crying out to Him on my knees. Most importantly, I do get really excited about the fact that the God of the Universe loves me and sent his son to die for my sin... and draws near to me... and brings me peace when I call to Him!
That is why I sing loudly ~ that is why I tell people ~ that is why I want the NATIONS to hear the Good News.
He has saved me!
Am I perfect? Nope! Do I still struggle? Yep... everyday!
However, I will rest in His Word...
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9
So... yesterday we celebrated our precious (ok, cool) Andrew's 17th birthday.
Today, I celebrate that dark hospital stay that began a life of knowing my Savior more intimately than I could ever have imagined!
Thanks be to God...
Here is a song to celebrate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyYWWKJt-Hs
If you like the song... here is an amazing talk to go along with it http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/#20100725
My memories of that hospital stay are awful at best. Let me first say, that I was not walking close to God at that time. I that point, I was simply praying to Him that He would save my son... I knew nothing of the Peace that He had to offer.
I felt so alone. Kev was in Toledo with Drew (where I wanted him to be), and I was in pain! The hospital was short staffed, so I remember having my breakfast, lunch and dinner trays all piled up in the corner of the room. I just stared at Katie Couric on The Today Show. Relief was nowhere to be found.
By the way... c-sections are really painful!
It ended up after many tests, the doctors concluded that Drew was fine. They believe the apnea he experienced was from the anesthetic they used to knock me out.
Fast forward to one year later~
That is when the anxiety/depression/hypochondria set in. I can look back now and see a big correlation between the two. I believe that it took another Christmas to come around for me to realize it could all happen again.
Nevertheless... the anxiety had come!
Now Fast forward 16 years~
Thursday night I was sitting in our "Breaking Free" bible study, talking about my struggles.
My sweet mother-in-law --- note to self (and to you) -- it ain't easy being in a bible study like "Breaking Free" with your mother-in-law... God really has a sense of humor!
OK... my sweet mother-in-law looked at me and asked "Everyday Karen? You struggle everyday? Do you think you are just a selfish person?"
YES! The answer is YES!!! I know I am a very selfish person... and YES! I struggle everyday!
But here is the deal -- I am thankful for that ugly hospital stay 17 years ago. I am thankful for the anxiety that set in 16 years ago. Satan may mean it for evil, and I may absolutely hate it, but God has used my weakness to draw me to Himself.
I do struggle everyday, but that struggle brings me to my knees (literally), and sends me to my bible.
As I sat in Dr. McClure's office a few weeks ago (he is an amazing man of God), telling him of my newest fears, he looked right at me and said "You know, you are one of the most Godly women I have ever met." I laughed "You have got to be kidding me! I am telling you all my fears, and this is the response I get?"
But again... here is the deal ---
Because of my weakness, I do talk a whole lot about my Savior. I do know a whole lot of verses in the bible. I do spend a whole of time crying out to Him on my knees. Most importantly, I do get really excited about the fact that the God of the Universe loves me and sent his son to die for my sin... and draws near to me... and brings me peace when I call to Him!
That is why I sing loudly ~ that is why I tell people ~ that is why I want the NATIONS to hear the Good News.
He has saved me!
Am I perfect? Nope! Do I still struggle? Yep... everyday!
However, I will rest in His Word...
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 2 Cor. 12:9
So... yesterday we celebrated our precious (ok, cool) Andrew's 17th birthday.
Today, I celebrate that dark hospital stay that began a life of knowing my Savior more intimately than I could ever have imagined!
Thanks be to God...
Here is a song to celebrate http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyYWWKJt-Hs
If you like the song... here is an amazing talk to go along with it http://www.passioncitychurch.com/watch/#20100725
Comments
Thanks for sharing this, Karen. You are an awesome woman of God--and your mother-in-law is pretty cool, I remember. It's things like these that remind me how far I've wandered from my own walk with Him, and I know I have to find my way back.