FREEDOM

Seems like a good day to write about this.

It’s actually more of a coincidence (that I’m talking about it) than anything else.

Alyssa and I were a part of an important discussion the other day.

It was a long time coming.

I had my listening ears on.

Believing she was about to speak some truth into my life.

She was gracious with her words.

She is pretty terrific about saying hard things in a loving way.

It all started when family was sitting around the kitchen table talking about parenting.

How everyone could be better in this area.

We were chatting about the whole “Fun Heilshorn Family” aspect of life.

She brought up the time we were at Cedar Point (she was 9) and I pretty much made her ride the Magnum.

Oops.

She hated it.

I honestly thought she would love it.

We all did.

You know, part of “fun” our family had.

Once again,

She hated it.

And here’s the deal…

I’ve said I was sorry many times since then.

I knew I pretty much scarred her that day.

But, on this day?

She was ready to explain why it made such an impact on her little life.

You see, she was trying to fit in.

Be part of the built in “fun” that our family was all about.

She told me how it wasn’t about rollercoasters.

Rollercoasters were not the point.

Space.

Space was the point.

Letting her have the space to be who she was.

The person she was created to be.

She explained just how hard it can be to “fit in” with our family.

It even went so far as her letting me know how a whole lot of times it felt more like a moral issue than a preference.

Alyssa is a perfectionist.

Pleasing her parents was very important her.

And somehow?

I made her feel different,

But not in a good kind of way.

She felt like she didn’t fit in.

She just wasn’t fun enough.

The whole table began discussing the way our family could make a person feel like an outsider.

Our way was/is best.

The way we eat, sleep (or don’t sleep), drink, vote, worship God…

And so on and so on.

We were/are just pretty much, well… right.

We were/are always right.

Oh, and also, my nephew Kevin pointed out that there is also not much room for any discomfort.

This comes directly from our matriarch.

Punkie never wanted to see anyone sad.

No time for sadness or pain.

Fix it at all cost.

Everyone should be happy.

If you aren’t?

We will do what it takes to correct it.

Please, please, please…

Just be happy.

Our happiness depends on yours.

Oh, and also…

Follow us.

Believe just like us.

Don’t color out of the lines.

Don’t go getting creative with your thoughts.

Don’t listen to anyone else.

Stay in line.

Then you will be happy and we will be happy.

Be good. Behave. Be one of us.

Our little tribe.

I mean, if you are different, we won’t shun you.

But we will make faces of disapproval.

We will discuss it with you.

And also behind your back.

Because we have to figure out how to get you back in line.

So… as I am typing… I’m realizing this post is going in a totally different direction than I thought it would.

To our family, let me just say this…

I’m sorry.

I am sorry for thinking my way was/is the right way.

For all the times I’ve tried to talk you into being something you are not.

For all the times I’ve discouraged you from doing any critical thinking of your own.

For the times I haven’t listened.

For the pride of thinking I know best.

If I want to be free to think for myself?

It is only fair for me to do the same with you.

I understand that being a parent means we guide and direct.

But, dangit.

I am learning to humble myself before God and also before you.

Freedom is what we were made for.

How can we best live free and help others to find that same freedom?

For today, let’s listen to each other.

Give each other some space.

Space and freedom.