A Safe Place For Thoughts
Friday ~ November 3, 2017
I need to write.
In a safe place.
An area where I'm free to be myself and tell my thoughts.
My learnings.
My leanings.
Every day I'm growing.
Eyes are opening.
Breathing deeper.
Excited to explore.
Claudia told me this week that I am "courageous".
Fearful and timid seem more like it.
But, oh how I long to be what she said.
Podcast I was listening to yesterday said to make a list.
Three adjectives.
Words I want to be true of me in five years.
Hmmmm....
He said high achievers will make this list.
I decided to be a "high achiever".
1.) Joyful (full of joy).
2.) Healthy (stop seeing myself as a disease waiting to happen).
3.) Courageous (for real... excited about what this life has to offer).
I want to say "I'm not afraid anymore!"
I want to trust God with my life.
Not a naive look at life.
But a deep gut level belief that I am loved by God.
That we all are.
I went to the doctor a couple of days ago.
Told her I think I'm ready to wean off my Prozac.
Lord have mercy.
I'm taking it slow.
I told her I want to feel again.
To cry again.
I went on the antidepressant 3 years ago when the tears wouldn't stop.
Life was so uncertain at that time.
My brain needed a reprieve.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to cry.
It happened before.
I was ok with it at that time.
Now I'm ready to shed some tears.
Happy and sad tears.
I've grown a whole lot in these 3 years.
Counseling has been amazing.
Podcasts have been a tremendous help.
A whole change in the way I eat.
I have a dog.
And a room that I can sit in to meditate and be near nature.
Let's do this.
The doctor said it will be a rollercoaster.
I need to give it a couple of months.
I want to document this.
Maybe it will help others.
Writing it down will help me.
To see where I've come from.
Where I am heading.
Even if I am the only one reading this.
It's all good.
Might even be safer that way.
Typing brings relief.
Helps me breathe.
Helps me think.
This blog has helped me walk through some dark times.
I'm glad I can go back and reflect on those days.
Thankful today for a place to "let go".
Gonna do this more.
I say it and then I don't do it.
Let's just see how this goes.
So much to say.
Lord Jesus, help me to be courageous with my words.
I need to write.
In a safe place.
An area where I'm free to be myself and tell my thoughts.
My learnings.
My leanings.
Every day I'm growing.
Eyes are opening.
Breathing deeper.
Excited to explore.
Claudia told me this week that I am "courageous".
Fearful and timid seem more like it.
But, oh how I long to be what she said.
Podcast I was listening to yesterday said to make a list.
Three adjectives.
Words I want to be true of me in five years.
Hmmmm....
He said high achievers will make this list.
I decided to be a "high achiever".
1.) Joyful (full of joy).
2.) Healthy (stop seeing myself as a disease waiting to happen).
3.) Courageous (for real... excited about what this life has to offer).
I want to say "I'm not afraid anymore!"
I want to trust God with my life.
Not a naive look at life.
But a deep gut level belief that I am loved by God.
That we all are.
I went to the doctor a couple of days ago.
Told her I think I'm ready to wean off my Prozac.
Lord have mercy.
I'm taking it slow.
I told her I want to feel again.
To cry again.
I went on the antidepressant 3 years ago when the tears wouldn't stop.
Life was so uncertain at that time.
My brain needed a reprieve.
I knew that I wouldn't be able to cry.
It happened before.
I was ok with it at that time.
Now I'm ready to shed some tears.
Happy and sad tears.
I've grown a whole lot in these 3 years.
Counseling has been amazing.
Podcasts have been a tremendous help.
A whole change in the way I eat.
I have a dog.
And a room that I can sit in to meditate and be near nature.
Let's do this.
The doctor said it will be a rollercoaster.
I need to give it a couple of months.
I want to document this.
Maybe it will help others.
Writing it down will help me.
To see where I've come from.
Where I am heading.
Even if I am the only one reading this.
It's all good.
Might even be safer that way.
Typing brings relief.
Helps me breathe.
Helps me think.
This blog has helped me walk through some dark times.
I'm glad I can go back and reflect on those days.
Thankful today for a place to "let go".
Gonna do this more.
I say it and then I don't do it.
Let's just see how this goes.
So much to say.
Lord Jesus, help me to be courageous with my words.
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