It's Still Hard For Me To Believe
I know it's been a long time since I have blogged. I have a whole lot of thoughts about blogging, just seems like I don't ever have enough time.
But yesterday while I was out on my walk, I just got to thinking… I am not sure that I've ever really written Kevin and my story out on paper. We've told it countless times…and I'm sure if you are our friend or in our family, you have heard it countless times :)! Today though, I just want to record this story of redemption…and what a better way to do it than here… in blogland?!
So here we go...
If you knew me when I was young, you might say two things about me ~~ I loved Jesus & I loved boys! You can already see where this is going. In high school, I went to all the christian events I possibly could. I really wanted to follow Jesus, but I know my friends would definitely say that I talked more about guys than I ever did about my God.
The summer after our freshman year in college, Mr. Kevin Shock asked me if I wanted to be his "girlfriend". It was kinda official… he even bought me roses. I'm not gonna lie… he was more than CUTE, and I was more than EXCITED! By the end of the summer though, we had broken up. I found out that he cheated on me more than once.
Everything was o.k. though, because I was on my way to B.G.S.U, ready to fulfill my dream of being a twirler with the Falcon's Marching Band.
It was in the middle of those try-outs that I had my first bout of morning sickness -- ugh! I hate even thinking about that moment to this day!
I took a pregnancy test that weekend and my world began to crumble. Kevin didn't say a whole lot at first, but it didn't take long for him to begin his plight to talk me into having an abortion. He let me know several times that I was ruining his life, that he never really loved me, and that this was all just a huge mistake… that I just needed to get rid of.
Tears flowed as I began to cry out to God. You know... the whole "Why me? Everyone else is doing it…why am I the one who gets caught?" Looking back on it, I can now see that it was God's tender love and mercy. He was bringing me back (eventually) to Himself. He was shaping and molding a story that would bring Him much Glory. Funny, how in the midst of all of the hurt and pain, the shame and sickness, I could have NEVER dreamt up what was going to happen.
I knew full well that abortion was not an option. I would go through the first half of my pregnancy fighting with Kevin… and the last half?? Well, we didn't speak at all.
I had the support of family and friends during that time, but still felt so alone and afraid.
Our precious Alyssa was born on April 5, 1990. Oh my goodness, she was beautiful… and the spittin image of her daddy!
Kevin came to visit us in the hospital. I will never forget the tears that ran down his face as he held his daughter for the first time!
He would say that it was in that moment that he knew he would never be the same. Not that he wanted a relationship with God, but that he wanted to be a father to Alyssa.
For the next year and a half, we tried to make things work between us, but we were so different. We fought over everything… how to raise Alyssa, politics, God… the only thing we had in common (that really mattered at that time) was our daughter.
You see… I was trying to get Kevin to be this person that I wanted him to be, so that I could marry him. I knew that the Word of God said we needed to be "equally yoked". I knew I wanted a man who could lead me in our marriage… that I could run hard after Jesus with ~~ I just couldn't get Kevin to fit into that box, and I was perfectly miserable trying!
I finally surrendered to God and called Kevin to break up. I told him that I needed to seek God and His Kingdom first, and that I had been seeking my own kingdom for far too long. My heart ached as I let go, but I knew that the joy and happiness I was longing for could not be found in a guy ~ Oh my… it was hard!
We continued to be friends over the next few months, seeing each other when he would pick up Alyssa on the weekends.
On Christmas night of 1991 something crazy happened. I was out at the Shock's house with Alyssa. Kevin had gone back to his bedroom for awhile. When he came back in to living room, he told me had a present for me. I know I looked stunned and confused, having no idea what he was talking about. He then preceded to tell me that he had just gotten on his knees in his bedroom and surrendered his life to Jesus.
I have to admit, I didn't know what to think… I was happy but cautious at the same time. He couldn't wait to tell my family. My brother and his wife bought him a Bible. He went back to school and just
began to read it... and soak in the love of God.
I remember calling his house (where he lived with 6 guys) one time and his friend asked me what I did with the old Kevin… I explained to him that it was NOT anything I had done… only God could bring someone from death to life… and I was/am so grateful that God chose to save Kevin on that Christmas night!
We were married in March of '93… almost 19 years ago… seems like just yesterday! We now have 4 children, a son-in-law and a beautiful granddaughter.
Please don't think that things have been perfect since then by any means… there have been many consequences from the choices that we made during that time, but God has been gracious to continue to love us and point us to the only thing that brings true joy… HIMSELF!
There was a song that my sister gave me to listen to while I was pregnant with Alyssa… it helped me see so much that this baby that was growing inside of me was not a "mistake" but a beautiful miracle.
I had an amazing teacher that reached out to me as well during that time… he told me that Alyssa was not the "mistake"… having sex outside of marriage was… that was so helpful as well!
Anyway, here is the song… I know it's old school, but the words are absolutely beautiful and so very true!
But yesterday while I was out on my walk, I just got to thinking… I am not sure that I've ever really written Kevin and my story out on paper. We've told it countless times…and I'm sure if you are our friend or in our family, you have heard it countless times :)! Today though, I just want to record this story of redemption…and what a better way to do it than here… in blogland?!
So here we go...
If you knew me when I was young, you might say two things about me ~~ I loved Jesus & I loved boys! You can already see where this is going. In high school, I went to all the christian events I possibly could. I really wanted to follow Jesus, but I know my friends would definitely say that I talked more about guys than I ever did about my God.
The summer after our freshman year in college, Mr. Kevin Shock asked me if I wanted to be his "girlfriend". It was kinda official… he even bought me roses. I'm not gonna lie… he was more than CUTE, and I was more than EXCITED! By the end of the summer though, we had broken up. I found out that he cheated on me more than once.
Everything was o.k. though, because I was on my way to B.G.S.U, ready to fulfill my dream of being a twirler with the Falcon's Marching Band.
It was in the middle of those try-outs that I had my first bout of morning sickness -- ugh! I hate even thinking about that moment to this day!
I took a pregnancy test that weekend and my world began to crumble. Kevin didn't say a whole lot at first, but it didn't take long for him to begin his plight to talk me into having an abortion. He let me know several times that I was ruining his life, that he never really loved me, and that this was all just a huge mistake… that I just needed to get rid of.
Tears flowed as I began to cry out to God. You know... the whole "Why me? Everyone else is doing it…why am I the one who gets caught?" Looking back on it, I can now see that it was God's tender love and mercy. He was bringing me back (eventually) to Himself. He was shaping and molding a story that would bring Him much Glory. Funny, how in the midst of all of the hurt and pain, the shame and sickness, I could have NEVER dreamt up what was going to happen.
I knew full well that abortion was not an option. I would go through the first half of my pregnancy fighting with Kevin… and the last half?? Well, we didn't speak at all.
I had the support of family and friends during that time, but still felt so alone and afraid.
Our precious Alyssa was born on April 5, 1990. Oh my goodness, she was beautiful… and the spittin image of her daddy!
Kevin came to visit us in the hospital. I will never forget the tears that ran down his face as he held his daughter for the first time!
He would say that it was in that moment that he knew he would never be the same. Not that he wanted a relationship with God, but that he wanted to be a father to Alyssa.
For the next year and a half, we tried to make things work between us, but we were so different. We fought over everything… how to raise Alyssa, politics, God… the only thing we had in common (that really mattered at that time) was our daughter.
You see… I was trying to get Kevin to be this person that I wanted him to be, so that I could marry him. I knew that the Word of God said we needed to be "equally yoked". I knew I wanted a man who could lead me in our marriage… that I could run hard after Jesus with ~~ I just couldn't get Kevin to fit into that box, and I was perfectly miserable trying!
I finally surrendered to God and called Kevin to break up. I told him that I needed to seek God and His Kingdom first, and that I had been seeking my own kingdom for far too long. My heart ached as I let go, but I knew that the joy and happiness I was longing for could not be found in a guy ~ Oh my… it was hard!
We continued to be friends over the next few months, seeing each other when he would pick up Alyssa on the weekends.
On Christmas night of 1991 something crazy happened. I was out at the Shock's house with Alyssa. Kevin had gone back to his bedroom for awhile. When he came back in to living room, he told me had a present for me. I know I looked stunned and confused, having no idea what he was talking about. He then preceded to tell me that he had just gotten on his knees in his bedroom and surrendered his life to Jesus.
I have to admit, I didn't know what to think… I was happy but cautious at the same time. He couldn't wait to tell my family. My brother and his wife bought him a Bible. He went back to school and just
began to read it... and soak in the love of God.
I remember calling his house (where he lived with 6 guys) one time and his friend asked me what I did with the old Kevin… I explained to him that it was NOT anything I had done… only God could bring someone from death to life… and I was/am so grateful that God chose to save Kevin on that Christmas night!
We were married in March of '93… almost 19 years ago… seems like just yesterday! We now have 4 children, a son-in-law and a beautiful granddaughter.
Please don't think that things have been perfect since then by any means… there have been many consequences from the choices that we made during that time, but God has been gracious to continue to love us and point us to the only thing that brings true joy… HIMSELF!
There was a song that my sister gave me to listen to while I was pregnant with Alyssa… it helped me see so much that this baby that was growing inside of me was not a "mistake" but a beautiful miracle.
I had an amazing teacher that reached out to me as well during that time… he told me that Alyssa was not the "mistake"… having sex outside of marriage was… that was so helpful as well!
Anyway, here is the song… I know it's old school, but the words are absolutely beautiful and so very true!
Comments