A Letter To Dad (Year 2)

It's been 2 years since I held your hand.

Since I snuggled with my daddy. 

Those last few weeks of your life?

I wouldn't change for anything.

I love thinking about how we had the privilege of 

Serving you.

Singing to you.

And saying goodbye as you took your last breath.

What a gift.

So hard.

 But so beautiful!

This past year started off pretty rough for me, Dad.

I thought it would get easier.

I was wrong.

I just began to miss you even more.

Mom did too.

She loves you so!

She's always telling everyone what a wonderful marriage you two had.

She'll say something like... "We had nothing, and I mean nothing but good memories."

Pretty sure she has even used the word "perfect" when talking about you!

Ha Ha!!!

I know you are laughing with me on that one.

Although... can I tell you?

I think you were pretty darn perfect too!

That's what makes your absence from our lives so hard.

Just know, your name gets brought up all of the time... by all of us.

So, last winter, I pretty much hit rock bottom Dad.

You know my struggles with anxiety?

They all came flooding back.

And the tears?

Well, they wouldn't stop.

I found myself listening to old songs.

Ones that reminded me of my childhood.

Missing those days.

You know, the days when I felt so secure in your love?

You see Dad...

You really loved me!

I knew that.

Not because you told me... although you did.

Not because I read it in some book.

But, simply because you showed me.

I was a "daddy's girl"

And everybody knew it.

Thanks Dad.

I know I've said it before.

But today I want to shout it from the mountain tops.

My dad is AWESOME!

Not because you always disciplined me perfectly.

Or fed me organic food.

Or had a bible reading with me every night.

Here's why Dad...

You were there.

Always there!

Not perfect by any means.

But... there for me.

Present.

Beginning to End.

That's how you showed me you loved me.

Not with lots of money.

We didn't have much.

Not by taking me to Paris.

Although our car trips were a blast!

Remember how you would take me to the golf course on so many summer afternoons?

You would let me drive the golf cart.

You would buy me a hotdog and Mountain Dew.
Your golfing buddies must have thought you were crazy.
Why does it seem like you were never annoyed with me?

You never said I couldn't come along.

What were you thinking?

We all went to a Tigers game last week Dad.

It was pretty fantastic.

A beautiful night for baseball.

I thought about you the whole time.

Thanking God that you shared your love for those Detroit teams with us.

I love baseball Dad!

Alayna wore your old "1984 champs" baseball hat.

So cute!

Oh and Dad ~

We live in Fort Wayne again.

And we love it.

Feels like home.

Reminds me of you.

Mom is so happy here.

She sits on the back porch and listens to her CDs.

You know,  Andy Griffith... the old hymns one?

She talks a whole lot about Heaven now.

She dreams of being there with Jesus.

And you too, of course!

One more thing.

The other night, Billy and Drew were running the Kona Ice Truck.

At a DHS football game.

(How fun is that?)

I couldn't help but think of how proud you would be of them.

You've always been so proud of all of us.

All of your kids and grandkids, and great grandkids.

We've all made you shed tears of joy.

Ok... another thing.

I found some old pictures of you at my baton contests.

Why Dad?

Why did you always want to go to those?

You were my biggest fan.

Remember how you would sit on our front porch and watch me practice?

You would scream "catch it" every time I threw my baton up in the air.

Oh, you were so distracting.

Oh, how I loved it!

I know this letter isn't very organized.

Somehow, I don't think you care.

I'm not crying as much anymore.

The darkness seems to have lifted.

I can think of you and smile.

I can hear a song that reminds me of you and dance.

Ok... last thing.

You know how I know that God loves me?

Because of how you loved me!

You were such a picture of how a Father delights in His children.

That is priceless Dad.

Thanks for pointing me to Jesus by the way you loved me!

I love you.

And treasure all of my memories of you.