THE SHOCK FAMILY

New day. New thoughts. New words. Trying to do this every day. Make myself write something. My Prozac journey. Coming off the darn stuff. One week into it. I've been on an antidepressant for three years now. It has worked for me. I went on the Prozac because at the time I couldn't stop crying. Anxiety mixed with depression. I was used to the anxiety. But the crying??? I'm sure it had a whole lot to do with Dad's death. There were other factors playing in. Perfect storm. I reluctantly took my first dose. Within a couple of weeks I was functioning more like myself... The tears had stopped. I could go to the grocery store. It was a welcome relief. Since then, my anxiety and ocd has been up and down. But, I will tell you what... There have not been many tears. Almost none. Maybe a few. But almost none. I told my doctor last week that I am ready to feel again. Ready to shed some tears... On the dark days... As well as the happy days. One thing...

I had a dream. Last night. So real. So memorable. Need to write it down. Some of the women from our church were hanging out. Ready to take a hike in the woods. It had just rained. Inches and inches of rain. A muddy mess. I thought for sure we would cancel the hike. Can you imagine walking in that? But... as I looked in front of me. My friends were taking off their shoes. They were rolling up their pants. Ready for the challenge. Are you kidding me? We're doing this? We're really doing this? Yep. Let's go. It's gonna get messy. We are about to get dirty. Real dirty. There may be snakes and probably lots of bugs. Mosquitos. And I'm a magnet for mosquitos. Dangit. Ok. Oh... and no men are with us. Just us girls. And there is a little laughter. Some talk of grounding. You know... going barefoot is good for you? Well then. Let's hike. I woke up this morning and actually thought about going on a hike today. It would be muddy. The ...

Friday ~ November 3, 2017 I need to write. In a safe place. An area where I'm free to be myself and tell my thoughts. My learnings. My leanings. Every day I'm growing. Eyes are opening. Breathing deeper. Excited to explore. Claudia told me this week that I am "courageous". Fearful and timid seem more like it. But, oh how I long to be what she said. Podcast I was listening to yesterday said to make a list. Three adjectives. Words I want to be true of me in five years. Hmmmm.... He said high achievers will make this list. I decided to be a "high achiever".  1.)  Joyful (full of joy).  2.)  Healthy (stop seeing myself as a disease waiting to happen).  3.)  Courageous (for real... excited about what this life has to offer). I want to say "I'm not afraid anymore!" I want to trust God with my life. Not a naive look at life. But a deep gut level belief that I am loved by God. That we all are. I went to the doctor a couple o...